S*!t My Students Say

This will be a running list of  the goofy things said in my class:

-  Today I had a junior come up to my desk and ask me for a "moist pamphlet" because his hands were dirty from Chemistry. When I clarified that he wanted a "moist towelette", he asked "is there a difference?"

-(Two girls studying in my desk during my plan, Pandora is on "The Beatles" channel.)
#1: "Oh my God I love this song (starts to sing) " little men die".
#2: It's "Live and Let Die Kate"

-Today's journal prompt for my freshmen: If you could study abroad in any country in the world where would you study and how would the experience give you an edge over others in your same future field of employment?
-5 answers were copied and pasted right off the internet (I knew they couldn't spell or speak that well)
-One student answered "Nowhere. America is the best country in the world. There is nothing I need to learn that America can't teach me."
-Another student said they would study in Florida. Wasn't aware it was a different country.
-And yet another said they would study in Europe. I had to inform this child that Europe is a continent not a country.
 
-(One freshman girl to another ):
#1:  OMG, are you wearing that for our presentation today?
#2:  Um, we are not PREE-SEN-TATING today.  (yikes)
 

The Significance of Columbus Day as Told by my Freshmen (May God have mercy on their souls).

Some questions are better left unanswered.  I should realize this by now but I'm a big believer in "the benefit of the doubt" and it always comes back to smack me right in the face.


With today being Columbus Day and us being in school I had my freshmen log on to our agenda and create a journal entry prior to our lesson on Columbus Day and Christopher Columbus.

This was my prompt:

Take the first 5-10 minutes of class to journal about what you know about Christopher Columbus.  Give your opinion on him and why we celebrate a holiday in his name.

I should have known I was setting myself up.  Especially when I did this activity last year with my sophomores.  I started reading responses during my 2nd hour plan and I couldn't stop laughing at some of them.  This again, is stuff I could not make up.  I cut and pasted the best responses into e mail and sent them to myself so I could share them with all of you.  These entries are unedited, spelling errors, "facts" and all.

Prepare to be rendered speechless: (my commentary is in red)

• He was the first person to find Columbus Ohio.Because if it wasnt for him Ohios capitol probly woudnt be Columbus. 

• Christopher Columbus was from Great Brittan.  He then took 3 ships and his main sip was the called the Mayflower(1492 Columbus 1620 Mayflower).  In 1492 he disovered America.  We celebrate  holiday in his name because he discovered America and brought imigrants over with him .

• I know that Christopher Colunmbus discovered America. He is spanish( he was Italian born in Genoa).. He sailed across the ocean in 1492, on the Mayflower(Again with the Mayflower!!).  I think he is a good guy. We celebrate a holiday in his name, because he discovered america.

• Christopher Columbus sailed across the world on the mayflower with the pilgrims(WITH the pilgrims!) and they discovered America. So i think that Christopher is a good guy and we should celebrate him as a holiday because he discoverd America.

• christopher colombus was the founder of ohio. celebrate colombus day because it would not be called colombus if he did not find 

• The only thing that I know about Christopher Columbus is that he come over because he wanted to find realious freedom (huh?)

•  He landed near present day New York City (REALLY?) and he founded America. In my opinion he is a pretty cool guy since he found the best country in the world 

• . He is spanish. He ate with pilgrims i believe at th first dinner (yikes)

• He is a british man from britant. (Where exactly is "britant"?)

• Christopher Columbus sailed acros the ocean. Also the holiday we celebrate for him is thanksgiving (Not one but TWO holidays!). We celebreate this for him becasue he was the one who brought the native americans and them together and made peace. And they had a big dinner (Columbus the Peace Maker....)

• Christopher Columbus was the first to discover America 1492. We celebrate this holiday because he somewhat created the civiliation for the country (Because the Indiginous people already here were savages and acted like animals?) . But i also think the indians came with him so he shared the dicscovery. (Came with him where?  To Española?  To New York City?  To meet the pilgrims??)

• Christopher Columbus basically founded America. He was sailing and, reached America in 1482. There was a saying made for him Chritopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1482. The Native Americans' were here but, he said he founded America . I think we celebrate this because if he didn't find America none of us would be here , and civilized (Again with the civilized!  And about 12 years too early as well).

• Christopher Columbus was the first person to discover america.  He was on the May Flower (Again with the May Flower!)

• Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue. We celebrate a holiday in his name because he showed that we won the war (Who's we?  What war?). He had the flag up when he landed on shore. It showed that America was here (Kind of like Neil Armstrong?  The Mayflower has landed?).

• I dont think he discovered America, but history books says he did. We celebrate Thanksgiving in onor of him because when he came to America the pilgrims set up a feast and now we have a holiday after him. He sailed the seas and came to America in 1492. I beleve the indians discovered America because they were on the land before Christopher and the pilgrims were (At least we clarified that).

Wow.  Yikes.  That's all I could say.  I have no idea who was being a smartass and who really believed what they wrote.  This is our future...I am terrified.  

The Dog Days are Over...

I can't believe it's August.  Wow.  Where has summer gone?  I'm not mourning the loss of summer quite yet...I still have about another month left until I start teaching.  To be quite honest, I've been ready to go back to school since about July 5th.  I like being busy.  I say this now but I'm sure around February I am going to be pulling my hair out...but hey,  Isn't that the way it always is??

This coming school year is going to be a doozy.  I stated above that I like to be busy..well I'll get my wish this fall.  This fall I will have 2 major changes when it comes to my job(s).  First of all I was offered a part time position teaching Spanish online through Middlebury Interactive.  It's an honor to be hired on by this fine institution.  The school is run through Middlebury College which is known world wide for their foreign language program.  The first thing I thought of when I was offered the position was back in about my 3rd or 4th year teaching, my obnoxious, chip on her shoulder, she did not hire me so she did not like me department chair told me I couldn't speak the language well and perhaps I should go back to school.  Guess what?  Suck it Leslie.  :)

I'm trying to get used to this "everything is online" approach to teaching.  I've never taught online before so it'll be quite the experience teaching kids that are not in the same room as I.  But I'm excited about the opportunity and I'm ready to start!!

In the "mortar and brick" school where I teach, it will be year 2.  I'm excited to be seeing my kids that I had last year and picking up where we left off.  Our school has adopted the "New Tech Model" and we will be implementing it with our freshmen.  This model is based on Problem Based Learning (PBL) and it is intense.  I am kind of apprehensive about the whole thing but if it dusts off my students' brains and gets them to be creative...I'm all in.

As I start year twelve in the business of Education, I am so so proud of MY former students who are beginning their first and second years as teachers.  I thought it would make me feel old, but it actually gives me a feeling of pride and satisfaction. 

Even though I don't begin teaching until September, I have resigned myself to full time preparation from this day forward.

Looking forward to a great year and awesome stories to share!!!

Breaking Up with Chik-fil-a

Dear Chik-fil-a:

I am writing you this note to break up with you. Not that we were ever serious, I always knew you weren't good for me. You tried to impress me with your yummy sandwiches and waffle fries but it's just not enough. I need more. It's not me, it's definitely you. Your intolerance of others who don’t fit your mold will not fly with me (no pun intended). The fact that you support organizations that use the name of GOD to spread hate just reinforces my feelings more: I’m just too good for you. I feel sorry for you and your ignorance and narrow mindedness. Maybe someday you’ll realize, hate is not very Christian like…I doubt God is impressed.
I hope someday you wake up and realize that LOVE is LOVE and that LOVE, can conquer any HATE that you financially support.
 

Creating Life Long Learners: How To Poop In "The Wilderness" 101

The opportunities I have been fortunate enough to experience in life I have never ever taken for granted.  I've visited far away lands, made friends who don't speak English, and walked in places Jesus himself walked.  Throughout my life adventures, I have learned so much that I would have probably never learned in the classroom (like how to start a fire, or how to swear in proper Spanish).  One of these experiences was my two summers working at a residential camp in Michigan.  There I learned how to be silly, relate to kids, and I met some of the most AWESOME people I've ever met and I'm very happy to still call the majority of them "friend."  The last summer I was there I "roughed it" more than I did in the previous summer.  I opted to bathe and wash my hair in the lake on my breaks instead of using the showers at night.  The housing we had didn't have air conditioning so rather than sweat my butt off, I opted to sleep outside, in a hay field, with my sleeping bag and a citronella candle.  I tell my post college friends about these experiences and some can imagine me living like that for a summer, others believe I'm making it up.  Lucky for me, I've got pictures to prove it:

Wednesday was the last day for students before Easter Break.  There was some time at the end of the hour and rather than do busy work, I give the kids that time if they've accomplished the learning goals of the day.  This happened to be a class of sophomores (think oozing hormones).  My sophomore boys are something else.  NOTHING is kept secret.  They're so happy that I understand they have "poop schedules" and let them go when they come into my classroom asking to go to the bathroom to "drop a dos."  Over share?  Absolutely but nothing really shocks me anymore.  Especially coming from 16 year old boys.  They live to be disgusting.

During this end of class time, one of the boys told me that a bunch of the boys in that class were going to "go camping in the wilderness" over break.  This translated into one of their friend's parents have land that they were given permission to go camping on.  They asked me if I'd ever been camping before and I told them I had.  After asking them a few questions I discovered none of them have been camping before, let alone in the "wilderness" (We live in the Midwest.  There is no wilderness in the Midwest but I just didn't have the heart to break it to them) and asked me for tips.

I love the fact that I can teach things to kids that aren't necessarily found in textbooks but can only be taught by the trial and error of someone who has already had the experience.  They told me they wanted to camp without tents, sleep under the stars and have a fire.  One of them said "Ms. N. we have a tarp, and sleeping bags.  What else would you suggest?"  So I started telling them about the principles of Leave No Trace Camping.    I explained the philosophy of "Take only pictures, leave only footprints."  Then came the question I knew would eventually be asked:  "But Ms. N. we can take toilet paper right?  Cause you know, we do  have our poop schedule."  I explained biodegradable toilet paper and told them they also had the option of taking the toilet paper with them when they left.  I had earlier mentioned the fact that they needed to take a few trash bags for litter etc.

The look on these boys' faces when I talked about them taking used toilet paper home with them was priceless!  You would have thought I suggested they eat it.  I asked them if they were bringing a shovel.  They looked at each other puzzled and said "No...why?"  I then explained the delicate art of relieving one's self in "the wilderness."  I explained the process of "digging a hole" doing their business and covering the hole back up.  As I was explaining all this one of them got out a piece of paper and started writing everything down saying "Slow down Ms. N. this is good stuff, I've got to write this down. We're going to have to take these notes with us guys."  We covered pooping in the woods, digging a fire pit, how to properly have a fire in "the wilderness", and how to inspect the land for rocks, roots (again which I say like "foot" which I guess is totally hilarious to these kids) and other debris so they wouldn't have a bumpy sleeping experience.  The bell rang and we were still talking.  They went to grab their books off their desks, kind of whispered to each other and came back over to my desk and asked, "Hey Ms. N do you want to go with us? Or at least go with us to set up?  We could use someone with your skills and knowledge of the wilderness."  I assured them they would be fine without me (I don't even like to take these kids to the library, I'm not going into "the wilderness" with them).

I cannot wait until Monday to hear how they fared.  As much as they like to talk about pooping, I'm sure they will all have several stories about their "digging a hole" stories.

They drive me absolutely to the brink of insanity (16 year old students) most of the time, and I would normally never ever say "I can't wait for Monday" but I feel like these stories will make for a fantastic Monday.

Peace.

Onion Bushes and Chicken Eggs: My Adventures in Agriculture Continue...

Let me start this post off by saying I'm a city girl through and through.  I love the smells and the sounds of the city and there's something magical for me being part of the walking masses downtown in a large city.  When I returned from Spain the first time I always talked about how Madrid had a "smell" and how I missed it.  About ten years later I returned with my significant other of the time and our first day there I took in a deep breath and said "God I love the smell of Madrid.  I've missed it SO MUCH!"  My disgusted paraja looked at me and said "You mean the smell of exhaust mixed with the smell of wet cigarettes?"  When I stood back and thought about it, that WAS the smell.  It was the smell of a city and particularly for me Madrid, Spain.

Four years ago I taught for the first time in a rural setting.  My students were farm kids, they owned chickens, pigs, cows, etc.  The FFA (Future Farmers of America for those, like myself had no idea what the acronym stood for) was really a big deal at the school.  They even had a "Drive Your Tractor to School Day"  I wish I could find the pictures I took because it was ridiculous but it looked something like this:

 This was my introduction to the world of agriculture and I was fascinated.  I had tons of questions and the kids were happy to answer them for me (Like how hay gets in that big spirally thing in the middle of the field).  When they told me there are male and female corn stocks it about blew my mind.  I couldn't fathom looking a cornfield and picking out the male and female corns.  It was the first time I had heard the term "de-tasseling corn".  Tassels to me were something that strippers wore....

One day in one of my freshmen classes (could have been sophomores but I believe it was freshmen) we were talking about the two parts of a spanish verb:  The "stem" and the "root" (which I pronounce like the word "foot" and I get made of big time here for it).  The root of a verb is only made up of two letters while the stem can be various letters long.  A curious student raised his hand and asked "Ms. N. wouldn't you think that the root would be longer than the stem, because root are usually longer if not bigger?"  A valid question I will admit which sparked the interest of other students who started shouting out examples such as "like carrots, like radishes or turnips."  Then the last example was said, "Yea like onions".  I stopped this misinformed youth and matter of factly said "No, not onions.  They don't grow underground they grow on a bush or a vine."  The whole class got silent.  One kid raised his hand and said, "But Ms. N." and one of the older kids stopped him mid sentence and said "Shut-up I want to hear this.  Tell us about how onions are raised Ms. N."  So I explained to them that onions grow on bushes or vines like tomatoes.  Vines either produced the big onions we can buy individually at the grocery store or the vines produce the little cocktail onions.  It all depended on what kind of vine it was.  When I was finished, the kids just kind of sat there, mouths gaping open and then they started to laugh.  They laughed until some were claiming they were going to pee their pants while others were laughing so hard they were crying.  I stood there, with a confused look on my face wondering "what is so funny?"  Finally the student who asked to hear my explanation of how onions were raised stopped laughing and asked me, "Ms. N. when is the last time you bought an onion at the store?"  I thought about it and told him it had been a week or two.  He then asked "Did you ever notice they're kind of dirty, like DIRT dirty?"  I said I guess I did but I washed all my vegetables so I never gave it much thought.  He concluded with "Ms. N. they're dirty like that because they grow UNDERGROUND."  My snappy and oh so ignorant retort, "Get out of here, they are not."  So they had me google it and sure enough my onion vine/bush theory was something I made up in my urban track mind.  My students couldn't believe I didn't know, what was to them, simple knowledge.  My argument back then, and until this day, is "I've never planted onions before how would I know how they grow?"  Some still call me silly for not knowing, other urban track minds like mine would agree it makes sense.

Fast forward four years and I'm teaching the properties of a Spanish verb to this year's freshmen.  Since these freshmen are my "babies" and they've only known Spanish taught by me, they're a bit easier to talk to than kids who had the crappy teacher for the past two years and are all upset that the Spanish class they signed up for was a blow off where the teacher would "sneak them out" to take them down the street to Taco Bell during class.

Remembering my story I re-told it to my second hour of freshmen.  [Side note:  I am BACK in the country.  I think I've talked about this in past posts but just wanted to drive that point home.  Sometimes I feel like Lisa Douglas, Eva Gabor's character in Green Acres].  They too thought it was super funny, my lack of rural knowledge and agriculture.  When the making fun of Ms. N. because she talks funny and thinks onions grow on trees stopped one of my exceptionally bright students asked, "Well I'm guessing you figured out where eggs come from that you buy from the store?"  I just kind of looked at him with a blank stare.  I kind of get it, but the whole chickens laying eggs for the heck of it thing still mystifies me. So I was honest and said "Not really."  Just like North Face claims that they'll "Never Stop Exploring" I have a similar philosophy that I will "Never Stop Learning".  So I asked them about it.  Some of these kids had parents who had chickens at home or lived on farms with chickens and knew more facts about this than I did (I teach Spanish not Animal Production 101).  I think they just confused me more.  I asked how many eggs chickens lay a day and I got laughs...not an answer.  I asked "Well how does the chicken know it layed an omlet egg and not a baby chicken egg?"  The answer I got back was pretty simple:  The omlet eggs are not fertalized and the baby chicken eggs are."  Then another curious student chimed in and said "But how do you know it's a fertalized egg?"  Excellent question I thought.  Then one of my most prim and proper girls said in a half whisper, half closed mouth to the girl beside her with the question, "It's because, you know, they have chicken sex."  That was the breaking point for me.  I laughed so hard I was doubled over and this girl's face was scarlet.  Someone asked how chickens have sex next and I cut off the converstation right there and went back to verbs.  It was a valid question and I'm still unsure about all those egg questions, and I have no idea how chickens mate, but the conversation had to stop before chicken sex positions, diagrams and hand gestures started. 

These kids teach me so much!  I don't mind that they laugh at my lack of "rural knowledge".  I laugh with them, because if I can't laugh at myself, well, I don't belong in this profession.

Happy Easter!

Ancient History???

Michael Crichton, the author behind such books as Jurassic Park and Disclosure  (I hope you all know these were BOOKS before they were MOVIES) once said on Timeline:
"...if you didn't know history, you didn't know anything.  You were a leaf that didn't know it was part of a tree."

This week in my upper level classes we were practicing numbers past 30.  When we got into the thousands I handed out a matching game.  I put significant events on one side of the paper and the years they happened on the other side.  I didn’t expect them to know ALL of them,  (like the year the first World Cup was played) but some of them.  These kids have made me feel old before, but I felt really old when I was done with the day, and scared at how little World and even less American history these kids knew.  I mean some of them didn’t even guess the right century!  Here are some examples:

-A lot of kids didn’t know what a bi-centennial is, let alone what year it was (1976)

-A popular response to the question “When was John Lennon shot” was “Who cares”. (1980)

-One girl thought Columbus came to the “New World” in 1215 (that was the year of the Magna Carta)

-Never heard of the Magna Carta

-One response to the question “The year George Foreman became the oldest heavyweight champ?” was “Ms. N., George Forman isn’t a boxer he sells grills on TV.” (1994)

-“The Year Thanksgiving was declared a national holiday,” produced the question “Whatever year the pilgrims had dinner with the Indians.” (1941)

-They thought Pablo Picasso was born in the 1700s.   (He died in 1971)

“The year Jack Ruby shot Lee Harvey Oswald” brought up questions like “Who is Jack Ruby?” and “Who is Lee Harvey Oswald?”  And the best “Were they in a band together?” (1963)

-The year of the Battle of Little Big Horn:  “What’s little Big Horn?”  when responded with “You know Custar’s Last Stand?  Sitting Bull?  Crazy Horse? I got “Are you making this stuff up Ms. N.?” (1876)

-The year OJ Simpson was found not guilty of murder:  “The guy from the Naked Gun movies?” (1995)

-The year Michael Jordan leads The Bulls to their 6^th NBA Title”  was answered with “How are we supposed to know we were like two.” (1998).  I personally think this one is pretty sad, that was basketball at its greatest in my opinion.  I truly feel bad for this generation that they didn’t get to experience that.

-The year Babe Ruth premiered in the MLB:  This was the best follow up question of the day.  “Do you mean the year it first started being sold at CONCESSION STANDS in Major League Baseball?”  They know the candy bar is but not the Great Bambino himself.  (1914)

YIKES!

On the bright side most of them DID know the year Columbus came (invaded) the “New World” (except for the girl that thought it was 1215).  They knew the year of Pearl Harbor, Woodstock, the beginning of World War II, D-Day, and the JFK assignation.  So I guess there’s a bright side to this darkly troubling story….

Am I wrong in being a little shocked here?  Or as time passes do things become more and more insignificant?