Teenagers Have No Filter

There are several reasons I like teaching teenagers; you don't have to wipe their butt after they go potty, you don't have to help them blow their noses, they don't cry (usually).  The list could go on and on.  I have to say one of my favorite things about working with teenagers is their brutal honesty.  If I'm wearing something that they don't like, they'll ask me, "Ms. N, you like that shirt huh?"  That's their nice way of saying "That shirt is so out of style Ms. N. never wear it again."  Sadly enough, I take their advice.  They're supposed to be the "young hip ones"...and alas I am over the age of 30 and not considered "young and hip" anymore.

We are studying a specific region in Europe and I busted out my photos from my several trips to Europe to show them different areas of the region.  That's when the gloves were off and the comments started to roll:

Student:  "Wow Ms. N you were skinny back then."  This comment made about a photo that is 7 years old.  Made me feel super.

Student:  "WHO IS THAT?"  They were shocked and a bit disappointed when I told them it was, in fact, a picture of me....7 years ago.

Showing pictures of my most recent trip to Europe which was with an ex who unfortunately was in several of the pictures:

Student:  Eww..who's the old guy in the picture with you?  (It was my ex)

Student:  (while looking at another picture with the two of us and a friend of mine from HS that we met over there), "Eww Ms. N your boyfriend brought his KID along?"

Then finally:

Student:  Ms. N why did you break up with the old guy?  Cause there is no reason someone his age dating a young chick like you would ever leave...he's not going to do any better.  I LOVE THEM.

Finally one of the best of the week.  This was this morning with my freshmen.  A girl raised her hand and said," Ms. N when I put this flower in my hair today I thought of you.  Cause you're always doing funky stuff with your hair."

I was unaware that my hair was "funky"

Yikes.  They keep me humble and sometimes in a weird way they compliment me.

Happy Friday.

Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater

At one point in our lives we've all cheated.  Some have a higher level of sophistication and some don't.  Even the best cheaters get caught sometimes but usually it's the ones that just aren't good at it.  I'm not going to live in some rose colored world where I think my students are angels and don't cheat.  This is one of the reasons I don't count homework as part of my students' grades.  Like I'm going to actually give them points for cheating. Psh...yea right.

On Friday I gave a test to one of my levels.  Needless to say they were miserable.  I'm not going to go into how the kids don't study, or they have no motivation or they just don't care.  I've already made peace with that and I know it's not my fault.  At some point the student needs to put forth a little effort.  While going over the scan tron portion of the test I noticed there were two IDENTICAL answer sheets.  Funny enough one sat right behind the other.  I knew right away who I thought was the culprit but nonetheless I questioned both.  First I pulled the "good kid" in the hallway and showed him the test.  He almost started crying when he told me the other kid (the kid that I suspected) had cheated off him.  They had both the same right and wrong answers.  I told the good kid to not get worked up, I didn't figure him for a cheater and told him to "play along".  Worst case scenario, he'd have to take the test over again and I'd give him the higher grade.  I send him back in the classroom and pulled "the evil one" out.  This kid is a piece of work, cocky beyond belief and he always has an excuse for everything...of course nothing is ever his fault either.  I showed him both of the scantrons and asked him what he thought of the similarities.  His face got super read and he got this shit eating grin on his face and said "Ms. N. I have no idea what you are talking about."  Seriously.  When you're caught you're caught.  There is no need to lie directly to my face.  I might look young (wink wink) but I wasn't born yesterday.  His attitude set me off.  I immediately launched into the "First you're going to cheat and then you're going to lie to my face" tirade.  He stood there all red faced and laughing and finally admitted he cheated ofF the other kid.  Then he had the audacity to ask me if he could retake the test.  I made him go in the classroom and I had to subside the anger brewing in me before I took my place in front of the class.  He, of course, goes into the class and announces that he got caught cheating on my test which the rest of the savages think is HIGHLY hilarious.  So I asked, "Why did you do it?".  His answer:  "Because Ms. N I don't know this stuff, what else was a supposed to do?"

If looks could kill that child would not be in my classroom tomorrow.  This is our future and this is why I'm scared.

My First Real Girl Fight

So apparently I lead a very sheltered "school life."  I've never once witnessed a fight as a teacher.  I used to have a baseball bat with me in the hallway of one school I worked for because my classroom was around the corner and that was where rival gang members liked to fight each other.  They knew I had the bat and they stayed out of my corner of the world.

This morning I was standing in the copy room with another teacher and we started hearing this chant (by boys by the way) yelling "Hit the bitch!".  I looked at my colleague and made some type of comment about boys disrespecting young ladies with their language when all of a sudden I saw two girls throwing punches at each other.  The other teacher yelled "Black Button!" which is the button in every classroom that is used to call security.  I, for some reason walked right over to the fight.

Now let's pause here.  These were two girls who LOOK tough.  I can't really describe it but they walk around school (especially by the one that started it) with a look that says "Look at me wrong and I will mess you up."  I'm unfamiliar with the laws of teachers getting in the middle of fights and I want to keep my job so I did NOT intervene.

So I stood there screaming at the top of my lungs for help while yelling at the girls to "cut it out".  I was about to intervene when I saw blood.  HELLS NO.  First of all, I like my face and I'd like to keep it that way.  Secondly, I refuse to compromise my health and risk of disease by getting in the middle of two thugish girls who are probably fighting over a boy.  Not to mention this was a SERIOUS fight.  We're talking banging each other's heads on concrete a possible broken nose and lots of hair pulling.  There was seriously blood everywhere.   I've never claimed to be a hero and that's not how I want to gain that status...

Of course all my students made fun of me because I didn't do anything physical to break it up.  I looked at them all and said seriously (pointing to my face), "Do you really think I want to mess this up?  Not to mention breaking a nail."  But in all seriousness I simply told them I wasn't about to get involved in their violence.  It's not my job.  I stood there, called for help and made sure no one else got involved.

I am officially scarred by today's events.  I don't think I'll ever get the image of those two girls going at it like professional wrestlers out of my head ever again.  I think I'm going to need even MORE therapy after today...

Teacher Blogging in the News

Recently a Pennsylvania teacher has been suspended with pay for comments she wrote about students on her blog.  If you don't know what I'm talking about read the story here.  I'm all about 1st amendment rights.  And I'm even more about exposing people to the fact that teachers are people too.  We have piercings and tattoos, we use facebook, some of us like to have a drink once and a while and we frequent eating establishments just like the rest of the world does.  Every time I go through a fast food drive through and a kid is at the window they look at me like I'm an animal out of the zoo or something.

So after this story broke, and I was scolded by my father for blogging about school stuff I started to investigate this whole situation more.  Plainly put, this woman is a moron.  I am very well aware that someone outside of my circle of friends could see this blog.  I don't intend to write to be malicious or harsh.  I want to share funny experiences that happen to me in the classroom, share how kids think these days, and maybe an article or two from the Huffington Post.  Do some of my students irritate me?  You betcha. Do I hate them because of it or wish them or their parents ill will?  Absolutely not.  THEY'RE TEENAGERS.  They're supposed to be all full of hormones and angst. They're supposed to not like authority.  I mean this woman was saying that she hates kids and suggesting some kids are stupid.  I would never do that.  I see potential in every single one of my students.  Even the ones that get on my nerves once in a while (Who are actually the most intelligent I've always found out).  And my kids know it too.  I lovingly refer to them as "my little monsters" and they know I don't mean that in a bad way.  Almost daily one of the kids who is being the biggest butthead of them all will come up to me at the end of class and say "Ms. N, you know you love us even though we don't deserve it a lot of times."  And the truth is I do.  I just have to remind myself of the situations these kids may be coming from.  Their home lives might not be that outstanding, they might not have parents that care like mine did when I was their age.  I might be the only positive role model they have.  Because of all of this, despite being "the burnt out high school teacher" at the end of the day I love what I do.  I think I just need a tropical vacation or something.  So to the PA teacher, shame on you.  Shame on you for being ignorant and not thinking anyone else would read something that you write that is on a PUBLIC website.  We all get frustrated, we all get discouraged...but a public forum is no place to be down right cruel, rude and mean.

Amen.

Fantastic Articles

Behold, 2 more great articles on Education from The Huffington Post.  One by Steve Nelson who is the headmaster of a private school in New York. It's adequately titled "Happy Valentine's Day: Take This Job and Shove It."  It's like a love letter to the public school teacher.  The other is titled "Respecting Education"  I wish these were articles more people read.  Please feel free to pass them along..

Valentine's Day In the Classroom

Anyone who knows me knows that I devour the Huffington Post  daily.  Today I found this article titled "Breaking Kids Hearts on Valentines Day."  This article is heartbreaking.  I remember as a child, right before Valentine's Day, having a letter sent home from my teacher about our Valentine's Day Party accompanied with a list of every student's name.  My mother made sure that I gave a Valentine to EVERY SINGLE CLASSMATE.  I would have never thought it any other way.  The smelly kid who sat in the corner, and even the girl who everyone thought had "cooties" because she just returned to school following a bout with head lice got a Valentine from me.  To read this article about some students not receiving a single Valentine from their classmates is just wrong.  And it's not just elementary school!  It continues in high school with "candy grams" and  sending flowers etc.  After reading this, I can understand why some school districts don't allow holidays to be celebrated in class.  So I guess my point is, if you are reading this and you are a parent, please make sure your child gives valentines to everyone because you have no idea the damage it can cause to a young child.  If you are a teacher, please ask that your students do the same.  It's just mean and hurtful on a holiday that is supposed to be about love and friendship.

On a lighter note, my dad sent me flowers today which is always lovely.  "Tyler with an i" gave me a side hug and said sweetly "Happy Valentine's Day Ms. N I love you AND your sweater."  Nothing better than the sweet sentiments of my fancy friend!

Dead Poets Society: Food for the Tired Teacher's Soul.

This is the type of teacher I strive to be.  One that inspires creativity and free thinking.  The end of this movie (which is above) is my favorite part.  If you've never seen the movie I INSIST  you see it.  Whenever I am tired, discouraged or unmotivated I watch it and I ask myself what I need to do to be more "Keatinglike".  It's a good kick to the butt and reminds me why I got into this profession in the first place.  To be inspiring.

What do YOU want to be when you grow up?

This is a question, looking back to my youth, that teachers never asked me.  I was never asked in school what career I would like to pursue in my future.  Because of that I always make a point at some time in the year to ask my students that very question.  I am always surprised by the aspirations of my students.

So today, after getting back from two days bed rest with this cold/flu that I've been fighting, that's how I started each of my freshmen classes;  asking them what they want to be when they grow up.  I was shocked at the number of 15 year old freshmen that have NO CLUE what they want to do with their lives.  Some told me they've never thought about it.  I don't know about all of you, but I was playing teacher as soon as I was able to function.  I always made my brother the student and I loved it.  I knew that I wanted to be a teacher when I was a little kid (I kind of drifted in the 4th grade to wanting to be President and then again as a freshman in college considering law school).  I got a lot of kids wanting to be veterinarians (not sure if I would trust any of them with my pets) and more doctors than I expected.  These kids don't even want to do homework.  God Bless them in medical school.

I got two of the best answers ever today to my question.  Good, honest but HILARIOUS answers:

Answer #1:  This is from "Tyler with an I" as in he has decided within the last semester to spell his name T-I-L-E-R.  He puts the little bubble on top of the "i" and everything.  When I asked him why he decided on this sudden spell change he told me in his wispy soft voice, "Because Ms. N, I think it's super cute."  I just want to put him in my pocket and take him to a Cher concert.  Anyways when I asked "Tyler with an i" what he wants to be when he grows up he looked me dead in the face and softly and wipsly said "Ms. N. I'm going to be a model."  The child is beautiful and he could totally pull it off but I had to follow up with "But what will be your backup plan?"  He looked at me disgusted and raised his already high voice and said "My back up plan?  To be a model Ms N.  I don't need a backup plan.  Or I guess I could be a hot firefighter."  I hope he reaches for the stars.

Answer #2:  This answer was from your typical loud, obnoxious, it's all about me, freshman cheerleader.  When the question was proposed to her she matter of fact told me the only reason she is going to college is to find a man with money who will marry her so all she has to do with her life is shop and lunch with friends.  Now this is a girl who has planned things out.  I also asked her what her backup plan is.  She said she would pretend to attend law school so she could meet a rich lawyer.  At least she's honest?

God help us, these are the kids that will be taking care of us when we're older.

Sick Day

Alas I have lasted a good amount of winter without getting sick.  I make my kids go out into the hallway to blow their noses and I pass the hand sanitizer around constantly.  Somehow (and I'm guessing picking up snotty Kleenexes off the floor had something to do with it) I got "the bug".  The one that all my students have that I have been shielding myself against since October.  Next year I think I'll wear a surgical mask and teach.

At 5am I got out of bed and prepared my sub plans.  Let me start off by saying God bless the substitute teacher.  What a job.  Seriously I've never subbed and I don't know if I could do it.  I remember how we treated our subs when I was in high school.  I feel so guilty about taking a day for sickness because I know what my little monsters are capable of and I don't wish it upon everyone.  I mean, they already think I'm the devil (see picture to the right) so I have instilled some fear in them.  But with a sub?  Yikes.  I made it specifically clear in my plans to write up anyone who (s)he felt was out of line and asked that another teacher would come in during a specific hour to make sure that this class (snotty tissue class) wasn't eating her alive and the kids weren't swinging from the heating pipes on the ceiling (this would be the same class that melted chocolate all over my radiators...they're such treats).

I have had some off the wall subs in my day.  I get back to school and I don't know WHAT to expect.  I remember my first year teaching I returned from a personal day to a note in my mailbox signed by all 150 of my students asking me to not have the woman who subbed for me the previous day ever again take over my classroom.  She (an elderly woman) was talking with them about drugs and sex and the kids found it oh so uncomfortable.  I've had subs leave me a "rating sheet" of how good they thought my lesson plans were.  I've had subs leave me Jehovah's Wittiness tracks all through my desk and even hand them out to my kids.  I once left a film for the kids to watch about Day of the Dead.  Yea it was a cartoon, and yea it was a little campy but I had Dave Matthews Tickets that day and I wasn't going to go to school.  She left me a note telling me how SHE felt that the movie had nothing to do with my subject area and told me if I ever wanted suggestions to ask her.  Yea. Whatever.

So please pray that my classroom is in one piece when I return from my fog of cold medicine and cough drops.  Hopefully no one was hurt because I took a sick day.

Oldies but Goodies

My favorite retired librarian told me I needed to post "old stories".  I happen to have a few zingers from my year at the urban, private, all boys school where I taught.  We'll call it St John, Paul, George and Ringo.  So (again) by request....here are some of my best "gems":

Hickies, "The Good Stuff" and Pretty Mexican Princesses...

I know how some of you look oh so forward to hearing about my random conversations I have with my boys so here's a synopsis of the week:

-Monday we're in the computer lab working on projects for Spanish Two.  I am walking around making sure everyone is doing what they are supposed to be doing and I see a HUGE hicky on this one guy's neck.  Now, to be honest, he's a pretty gross kid to begin with and this hicky on his neck just kind of reinforces my opinion of him..so i take the liberty of saying to him infront of all his friends, "I'll bet that was one classy broad sucking on your neck this weekend my friend."  He just looks at me and smiles and says "You should see my stomach."  I wanted to puke.

-Tuesday, same class next day (obviously) the kids are sitting in their seats and we're getting ready to start class and another kid (who has the SAME EXACT NAME AS THE HICKEY KID!!) Says, "Ms ***, I don't think Rob (a.k.a. Hicky boy) is going to be in class for a few days."  I asked what happened and made some smart ass comment about him being devoured by the hickey queen and he says "No, seriously, he got caught smoking pot in the dugout after school yesterday, but he says it wasn't "the good stuff"".  I just kind of looked at him and asked "What's so good about the good stuff".  He innocently shruggs his shoulders and says "Ms. **** I have no idea but he was really pissed that he got caught smoking what apparently wasn't good stuff."  -sometimes you just have to laugh.

-Yesterday (thursday), out of pure desperationj of needing to grade I threw in a movie for my Spanish Two students to watch.  I threw in "El Mariachi" which is an indie movie that won big at Sundance in 1992.  The movie "Desperado" was made after that movie based on this movie.  It's full of gratuitous violence and bad words in Spanish (I know I know...not teacher of the year material but whatever) and they LOVED it.  So at the end of the hour one of my students asks "Ms. N., what does "cabron" mean?"  Well cabron means "asshole" in Mexican slang.  The kid that asked me is kind of a smartass so I told him straightfaced that it means "Pretty Mexican Princess"...when he asked me if I was serious, I turned to two of my native speakers in class who obediently nodded their heads in agreement.  It was priceless.  This kid was so excited because he knew now how to "compliment" girls that he was going to meet this weekend (I told him men were calling each other that because it meant "sissy" when made masculine).  Today he asked me what "wey" means.  It literally means "bull without testicles" and it's another mexican slang insult.  I told him it meant "very" so if he used it with "cabron" it means "Very pretty mexican princess". 

I can't wait for Monday to hear how he fared with the ladies this weekend

Good times....

nne....

Pervy Little Turds....

My students never cease to amaze me.  Seriously.  Yesterday I took my laptop to school in order to hook it up to an LCD projector and go over some powerpoints to review for midterms.  My computer screen is being projected onto the screen as everything is booting up.  Well my AIM log in screen popped up and my username was in the prompt.  As soon as I heard the gasps and the "Ms N. you IM?"  I xed out of the screen and told them that the program was booted on the computer when i bought it and I don't know why it came up and I never thought anything more about it.  I obviously underminded the inteligence of my students. 

I came home from work, plugged in my computer and went and took a shower and made dinner.  When I returned to my computer, I had about 8 screens up from random messengers with things like "You're hot", "Hey sexy" and my favorite one "I wake up every morning and pray you're going to wear a skirt to school."  I had to block every single one of these users and finally when the messages reached into the double digits I had to reconfigure my account.  I mean....COME ON.  Like these boys don't have anything better to do....I guess they don't.

Oh the stories and it's only been one semester.  I had a kid ask me today if I went to the tanning bed yesterday.  When I said that I did, he said "I thought so, you have a glow about you today."  ha ha ha ha ha....

One more week!

Seriously, I couldn’t make this stuff up

i have had some of the most off the wall conversations and occurances this week and it's only Wednesday:

Monday conversation in my Spanish two class:

Student:  Ms. N. are you going to breed Cooper?

Me:  No I can't he's fixed

Whole class in Unison:  OH MY GOD YOU CUT IT OFF????

Me:  First of all I didn't fix him the vet fixed him and no, they didn't cut "it" off.

Student:  Well isn't that what happens when a dog gets fixed, they cut "it" off?

Me:  Don't forget people get "fixed" too and they don't cut "it" off...if they did cut "it" off how do you think Cooper would pee?

Student:  Then how's it done Ms. N.?

Me:  I'm not having this conversation

Student:  Come on Ms. N. I don't get it, explain it then we'll start working

Me:  (hesitates) okay let's put it this way, the twig stays, the berries are the ones that are cut off...

Whole class:  OH!!  I get it.

Today first hour spanish one I had a student ask to go to the bathroom.  I told him to grab the pass and he told me he couldn't see it, so i told him to look to his left and he just kind of stared straight ahead....then closed his eyes, I went over and asked him if he was okay and BAM his legs buckled and i caught him before he hit the floor.  I sent one kid next door to get another teacher and had some other kids open windows and turn on the fan.  The kid who i sent next door tells everyone in the hallway and I have random kids coming into the room to see "the kid that passed out".  Still holding on to the kid who is still out like a light I have a kid dial the main office for me so I can get the nurse up to the room.  They take him out in a wheelchair and yet there are no elevators in the building (I'm on the second floor).

Today, 6th hour in the computer lab

End of the hour and all the kids have been whispering to each other all hour and I can't figure out what is going on.  At the five minute warning for them to shut the computers down and get ready to leave that damn Souljaboy song that i HATE comes out of one of the computers and all 30 of my boys jump out of their seats and start doing the dance.  They looked like a cross between those creepy chinese prisioners who are on youtube dancing to thriller but in a jahovah's wittness kind of way....

Last but not least, conversation at the end of the hour, spanish one freshman last hour of the day:

Student:  Ms. N. can I ask you a question?

Me:  Sure what's up?

Student:  What do you say to a girl you've never met before?

Me:  In English or Spanish?

Student:  (looks at me totally annoyed)

Me:  How about "Hi, How are you"? or "What's your name?"  or even "Hey nice shoes."

Student:  Seriously, and that works?

Me:  Why wouldn't it, it's basic conversation

Student:  Hey, alright Ms. N. I'll try that thanks a lot.

I

 PEACE

And so it starts

My friends tell me I should write my stories about the classroom down.  I kept a running Word document when I taught at an urban all boys catholic school but that was just for documentation for the police (seriously).  I tend to find people who blog about themselves kind of self absorbed, but if I can share with you the reality of our future and make you laugh at the same time...well here goes nothing:


Behold the picture that was drawn of me yesterday:

I had asked my Spanish II class to draw a picture of a "figure" and label the body parts.  Some kids drew Sponge Bob, some drew pictures of animals.  This particular group decided to draw a picture of me....with devil horns, a tail and a pitchfork.  As someone commented on my facebook tonight "At least they drew your cup of coffee into the picture."  

During my other Spanish II class, I had a student in the back corner repeatedly come up and get tissues to blow his nose.  The next hour I found all his tissues ON THE FLOOR right where he seats.  Who does that? Who just throws snotty tissues on the floor for SOMEONE ELSE to clean up?  I was at a loss for words.  That along with "Ms. *** hates everyone in this corner."  Lovely.  

Tomorrow is another day with more stories to tell.


Peace.