Hickies, "The Good Stuff" and Pretty Mexican Princesses...
I know how some of you look oh so forward to hearing about my random conversations I have with my boys so here's a synopsis of the week:
-Monday we're in the computer lab working on projects for Spanish Two. I am walking around making sure everyone is doing what they are supposed to be doing and I see a HUGE hicky on this one guy's neck. Now, to be honest, he's a pretty gross kid to begin with and this hicky on his neck just kind of reinforces my opinion of him..so i take the liberty of saying to him infront of all his friends, "I'll bet that was one classy broad sucking on your neck this weekend my friend." He just looks at me and smiles and says "You should see my stomach." I wanted to puke.
-Tuesday, same class next day (obviously) the kids are sitting in their seats and we're getting ready to start class and another kid (who has the SAME EXACT NAME AS THE HICKEY KID!!) Says, "Ms ***, I don't think Rob (a.k.a. Hicky boy) is going to be in class for a few days." I asked what happened and made some smart ass comment about him being devoured by the hickey queen and he says "No, seriously, he got caught smoking pot in the dugout after school yesterday, but he says it wasn't "the good stuff"". I just kind of looked at him and asked "What's so good about the good stuff". He innocently shruggs his shoulders and says "Ms. **** I have no idea but he was really pissed that he got caught smoking what apparently wasn't good stuff." -sometimes you just have to laugh.
-Yesterday (thursday), out of pure desperationj of needing to grade I threw in a movie for my Spanish Two students to watch. I threw in "El Mariachi" which is an indie movie that won big at Sundance in 1992. The movie "Desperado" was made after that movie based on this movie. It's full of gratuitous violence and bad words in Spanish (I know I know...not teacher of the year material but whatever) and they LOVED it. So at the end of the hour one of my students asks "Ms. N., what does "cabron" mean?" Well cabron means "asshole" in Mexican slang. The kid that asked me is kind of a smartass so I told him straightfaced that it means "Pretty Mexican Princess"...when he asked me if I was serious, I turned to two of my native speakers in class who obediently nodded their heads in agreement. It was priceless. This kid was so excited because he knew now how to "compliment" girls that he was going to meet this weekend (I told him men were calling each other that because it meant "sissy" when made masculine). Today he asked me what "wey" means. It literally means "bull without testicles" and it's another mexican slang insult. I told him it meant "very" so if he used it with "cabron" it means "Very pretty mexican princess".
I can't wait for Monday to hear how he fared with the ladies this weekend
Good times....
nne....
Pervy Little Turds....
My students never cease to amaze me. Seriously. Yesterday I took my laptop to school in order to hook it up to an LCD projector and go over some powerpoints to review for midterms. My computer screen is being projected onto the screen as everything is booting up. Well my AIM log in screen popped up and my username was in the prompt. As soon as I heard the gasps and the "Ms N. you IM?" I xed out of the screen and told them that the program was booted on the computer when i bought it and I don't know why it came up and I never thought anything more about it. I obviously underminded the inteligence of my students.
I came home from work, plugged in my computer and went and took a shower and made dinner. When I returned to my computer, I had about 8 screens up from random messengers with things like "You're hot", "Hey sexy" and my favorite one "I wake up every morning and pray you're going to wear a skirt to school." I had to block every single one of these users and finally when the messages reached into the double digits I had to reconfigure my account. I mean....COME ON. Like these boys don't have anything better to do....I guess they don't.
Oh the stories and it's only been one semester. I had a kid ask me today if I went to the tanning bed yesterday. When I said that I did, he said "I thought so, you have a glow about you today." ha ha ha ha ha....
One more week!
Seriously, I couldn’t make this stuff up
i have had some of the most off the wall conversations and occurances this week and it's only Wednesday:
Monday conversation in my Spanish two class:
Student: Ms. N. are you going to breed Cooper?
Me: No I can't he's fixed
Whole class in Unison: OH MY GOD YOU CUT IT OFF????
Me: First of all I didn't fix him the vet fixed him and no, they didn't cut "it" off.
Student: Well isn't that what happens when a dog gets fixed, they cut "it" off?
Me: Don't forget people get "fixed" too and they don't cut "it" off...if they did cut "it" off how do you think Cooper would pee?
Student: Then how's it done Ms. N.?
Me: I'm not having this conversation
Student: Come on Ms. N. I don't get it, explain it then we'll start working
Me: (hesitates) okay let's put it this way, the twig stays, the berries are the ones that are cut off...
Whole class: OH!! I get it.
Today first hour spanish one I had a student ask to go to the bathroom. I told him to grab the pass and he told me he couldn't see it, so i told him to look to his left and he just kind of stared straight ahead....then closed his eyes, I went over and asked him if he was okay and BAM his legs buckled and i caught him before he hit the floor. I sent one kid next door to get another teacher and had some other kids open windows and turn on the fan. The kid who i sent next door tells everyone in the hallway and I have random kids coming into the room to see "the kid that passed out". Still holding on to the kid who is still out like a light I have a kid dial the main office for me so I can get the nurse up to the room. They take him out in a wheelchair and yet there are no elevators in the building (I'm on the second floor).
Today, 6th hour in the computer lab
End of the hour and all the kids have been whispering to each other all hour and I can't figure out what is going on. At the five minute warning for them to shut the computers down and get ready to leave that damn Souljaboy song that i HATE comes out of one of the computers and all 30 of my boys jump out of their seats and start doing the dance. They looked like a cross between those creepy chinese prisioners who are on youtube dancing to thriller but in a jahovah's wittness kind of way....
Last but not least, conversation at the end of the hour, spanish one freshman last hour of the day:
Student: Ms. N. can I ask you a question?
Me: Sure what's up?
Student: What do you say to a girl you've never met before?
Me: In English or Spanish?
Student: (looks at me totally annoyed)
Me: How about "Hi, How are you"? or "What's your name?" or even "Hey nice shoes."
Student: Seriously, and that works?
Me: Why wouldn't it, it's basic conversation
Student: Hey, alright Ms. N. I'll try that thanks a lot.
I
PEACE
Just received this e mail from one of my former students from this school. It's these kids that made that year from hell worth it:
ReplyDeleteHey Ms. N.,
I thought I'd send you this message to say I hope I was on my best behavior my sophomore year of high school in your class. I know it was really rough for you and a lot of those kids were pricks. I saw your blog about your students stories and when I saw X school's it brought back bad memories and things I may have heard about but didn't think much of. I realize that this message is really late and I should have apologized for all the behavior while you were still at X. Although the RW hickey story was pretty funny (between us that kid was a mess, but you probably knew that. haha) the other stories just showed that a 'top 50 CATHOLIC' school may not be what it appears to be. I hope the other schools you've been to after X have treated you with the respect that you deserve that unfortunately Rice didn't have.
Take Care,
Mike